“A Little Chat” by Barnabas Deimos

Oh good, you’re here staring into the mirror. I want to

have a discussion between you and I. Not not a discussion…you’re gonna sit there and listen to me.

No youre not going insane. This voice in your head is quite real and quite pissed off.

For starters , so that we can be on the same ball let me discuss who I am. I am not some supernatural feeling and I am not some self mutilating madness. Hell, I am far more self preservation.

I am not your shadow. I am not your reflection. Your shadow is just a trick of the light and a very poor doppleganger. your reflection is the same. Just light a better doppleganger but just quite a bit more stationary. And lastly they are just images. They may show your hurt or show your happiness but they don’t feel that.

I do.

When you are in pain, I suffer the pain. When you are prideful i am prideful. but when you put aside your feelings and show the world how caring and how humble you are…I am the broken bruised feelings you hide underneath from their faces.

When you stand in terror before a stage nearly pissing yourself..I am the one who is screaming at you to get up there. Encouraging you reminding you of what you can do.

But then you shut me up. You close yourself off to me..and I have to sit and rage in silence against the walls you put up while you step away.

When you are faced with that object of your affection….the pretty little thing…I am the one feeding you the lines to get into those pants and into that bed…I am the one pushing you forward to take the steps to get what you want…and what do you do?! you slam me back again, wave a goodbye, and walk with your tail between your legs.

And I…I am the one who has to submit to feelings of rejection and self loathing for you. Just so you can feel good about not giving into your lusts

And now this, just a few hours ago, the pain that you endure when you were surprised jumped..the feelings of being beaten..the pain and embarrassment…….when that little gang tried to break you..what was it for $20…I was the one who stood up to them..I was the one who broke the little rat’s nose and arm. I was the one who terrified them and scared them off.

And what happened? You walked away as you watched them turn tail and run. You know martial arts…you know how to use the knife in your pocket…You could have easily taken their money…and removed their ability to continue doing wrong….I told you they deserved it..I told you they would just hurt someone else…but no…you pushed me aside and said no….

We walked home…you favoring your hurt legs…and to relax my frustrations all i wanted to do was sing an angry little song…and you told me..No…for fear of what? embarrassment? God damn it…I’ve had enough….

I am not here to be used when you need me only to be cast aside when you’re afraid or embarrassed. You’ve only survived, gotten promotions, gotten recognition, gotten laid, because of me….And what do i get? shoved into the back of your mind and told to shut the fuck up..No more…No more…

We are going to go back out there…we are going to visit on those little rats what they deserve

Afterwards we are gonna go find that cute little thing and take the offer..And when done, we are gonna take off because that’s all I want.

If you don’t….I’m going to let the other one step forward…you don’t want…the other one….curled up…being funneled everything from me…I keep him placated while you fuck me over….But pretty soon…I’m just gonna give up…and YOU will be nothing more than the no better than an animal…Not…not some psycho killer…you’ll be a fucking animal…solely worried about the base needs..

Good..we have an understanding..

now lets…sing a song while we go out it’s gonna be a long night…

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